Found and Lost and Found Again
by SexySloth
Summary: Sometimes we lose things...but life goes on, and happiness can always be reborn. Will Severus and Hermione be able to survive a devastating blow in their life? SS/HG. Mature themes. Rated M to be safe. :


**AN: Oookkkay…so, don't ask where this one came from. I guess I'm in a dark mood. Forgive me, but this just had to come out…you know, when there's a story niggling at your brain? Anywho…this is only a little dark, and hopefully sweet as well. Happy Ending! I promise! Just a warning for all. Not my normal fare…don't like, don't read! You've been warned. At any rate…some reviews would be nice, just to see what you think? Enjoy!**

**SS**

Hermione stood at the sink, her arms at her sides, her breathing rapid, pulse fluttering in her veins. She stared down at the white stick on the edge of the porcelain basin and chuffed out a breath that she'd been holding for far too long. She watched as the fluid from her body slowly crept up the body of the stick, the control box slowly turning a pale shade of blue. She clenched her hands into fists, her nails digging sharply into the flesh of her palms as the liquid spread up to the other tiny box on the stick. Hermione was well aware that whatever would appear in this window could change her life forever. She was ready for that. But was he?

As the seconds ticked by, Hermione squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated on nothingness, trying to calm her racing heart and wild thoughts. The minute passed, and Hermione opened her eyes and stared at her reflection in the mirror-wide brown eyes with circles under them, some redness bleeding into white from the vomiting that had been plaguing her for more than a week. With a resolute intake of breath, Hermione squared her shoulders and lowered her head. And there ,in the small window, on the stick, on the sink, was a blue plus sign staring back at her. Positive.

….

Severus entered their chambers after his final class intending to walk down with Hermione to dinner in the Great Hall, but upon entering their quarters, it was suspiciously silent. The sitting room empty, the kitchen also free of his wife's usual presence in their home. Crossing to the bedroom, he opened the door to their chambers and found it to be devoid of his wife's person. His sharp eyes took in the room and noticed the light coming softly from under the bathroom door. Crossing to it, he knocked and was greeted with a soft "Come in" at his entreaty.

Severus stepped through the door and his gaze fell upon his wife of one year sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, her feet a foot apart, her knees connecting. His eyes swept from her terrified face to the narrow white stick in her hand. Severus was on his knees before her in an instant, his eyes holding a look of question, fear, and hope all at once. He took in her bloodshot eyes and realized she'd been crying.

"Hermione, love…" he spoke, softly, gently, "Are you…?" He could not speak, his voice caught in his throat and it seemed stuck there. Hermione nodded, the tears falling freely now, down her cheeks and chin, droplets falling on Severus' hands that hand moved to enclose hers in his calloused palms.

"I am," was her quiet response. And he nearly wept with joy. A smile that could have lit a thousand wands afire with it's brightness came over his face, and Hermione felt her fears begin to ebb away like the retreating tide, as she watched her husband rest his hands reverently over her abdomen.

"Precious." He said.

"Truly Severus?" She questioned?

"Truly, Hermione." And with a kiss to her belly from his soft lips, and then a whoop of joy, Hermione was lifted up and spun in a circle, her eyes sparkling with his happiness, their happiness.

…..

Hermione sat with the book of baby names on her lap, Severus at her side with his third year papers to correct. He was scratching with a quill in one hand, and his other was absently playing with a loose strand of Hermione's hair. All at once his hand burrowed deeper into her mass of curls and began to rub her scalp with those talented fingers. Hermione's eyes were still focused on the book in front of her and she moaned aloud.

"Mmmmmmmm Anthonyyyyyyyyy", Her eyes rolled back and she dropped her head forward a little when Severus' hand froze in her curls. His head had shot up from his papers and the coal black brows that had been knit together in consternation over another nameless dunderhead had risen to reach the same coal black hairline.

"Excuse me, wife," came his icy query, "Is there something you'd like to share with your husband?" He was answered by Hermione's musical laugh with caused him great consternation. This was no laughing matter!

"It's a name in the book," she giggled, amused at her husbands possessiveness that had only grown more since they had found out she was with child. He sighed, relief washing over him and he rolled his eyes. "Anthony Michael Snape?" She smiled, calmer now. "What do you think?"

"I like it." He responded, his face relaxing back into one of normal calm, and resuming his ministrations from before. "But what if it's a girl?"

"Do you want a girl or a boy?"

"I want a healthy child."

"If we have a girl, she'd have you wrapped around her little finger." Hermione said dreamily, visions of a curly black head and wide brown eyes. "Angelina maybe?"

"In the A section are we?"

"I got tired of all the Q names so I went back to square one."

"Ever the bookworm Hermione my love."

…..

"That one!" Hermione pointed excitedly at the beechwood crib in the store. Husband stood with wife surveying the cribs and basinets and changing tables.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I love it. And it will go perfectly in her room," Hermione smiled as she rubbed the slight swell of her belly. Severus regarded his glowing wife and grinned with pride. He was so…happy. The happiest man on earth. A man no longer cursed, the years of anguish and angst gone. He was a truly blessed man.

"I agree Hermione. Let's get it then."

"Buying so soon? Shouldn't we wait until it's a bit closer? We've got seven months to decide on something else?" Hermione asked, ever the practical one.

"My dear wife," Severus responded, his voice taking on an indulgent tone. "You do realize you are now a very wealthy woman? Why you've married a war hero!" He exclaimed. His face was haughty, but Hermione saw the mirth in his eyes.

"You really are something Severus Snape." Hermione responded, and with a gentle kiss on her husbands' lips, the two went to pay for the crib.

It matched the new room in their chambers perfectly, the walls that Hermione had charmed a light yellow with small white birds flying about, the white lace curtains on the window, and the buttery yellow glider across from the empty spot where the crib would go. They could hardly wait to get it home and see the full effect.

…..

The Great Hall was quiet, Christmas holidays just around the corner, and it was nearly time for the students to go home for the break. Hermione was standing with Professor Flitwick, helping him charm sugar plum faeries to fly around one of the great trees in the hall by the staff table, and she was enjoying the smell of the spiced cider that Severus was enjoying from his place. The hour was early, and few teachers or students were about yet, and Severus had come down early with Hermione to have some peace and quiet with their breakfast.

"Ohhhh" Hermione moaned suddenly, feeling a strange cramping sensation in her lower abdomen. Severus' head immediately shot up and his gaze turned on her.

"Hermione, are you allright?" His voice was laced with concern and he made to rise, but she put out a hand to stop him, rubbing the small swell of their child lightly.

"No, no I'm fine. It's nothing," she said, but then the twisting cramp came once more. This time it was so sharp it felt like a knife had been sunk into her gut and she fell to her knees, her wand clattering onto the stone floor. Severus was up and at her side in an instant, his eyes dark with fear.

"Hermione, what is it? What is hurting you?" He looked up and down her body for signs of trouble and saw that her hand was pressed against the curve where their beloved child grew.

"Oh gods Severus…I…I think I'm bleeding…."

Severus pushed aside her robes as discreetly as he could and he felt his heart drop like a stone when he saw the growing stain on her undergarments.

"Is there anything I can do, Professor Snape?" Flitwick said soberly and Severus' responded with a broken tone,

"Send a patronus to Poppy. Tell her that we are on our way and that it is dire." And in an instant Hermione was in his arms, his black robes billowing out behind them as they left the hall. Flitwick performed the spell as asked and he stared after the two colleagues, a sinking feeling in his heart.

…..

"I don't understand! I don't understand! I don't understand!" Hermione's cries could be heard all the way throughout the hospital wing, and Madam Pomphrey had put up a silencing charm on the curtained off area long ago. Severus Snape was sitting beside his wife, his arm around her, comforting her as best as he knew how, but all his years, all the grief he had seen and experienced, none of it had prepared him for this.

"Shhhhhh love, it's okay, it's all going to be okay." He murmured softly into Hermione's ear and he tried not to let it show that he was shaking violently as well.

"Hermione, Severus," Poppy intoned softly, her voice full of sorrow and kindness. "This is never good news for parents to hear, but it is very common, in the first few months…"she drifted off. "You both should know that nothing you have done caused this. It was a natural miscarriage." Her eyes fell on Hermione who had stopped crying audibly now, the tears simply pouring down her face. "I'm so sorry Hermione," she said. She then turned her eyes to Severus and motioned for him to speak with her for a moment.

"I'll just be a moment, darling. Just a moment," he said soothingly and he extracted himself from the bed and moved to the outside of the curtain.

"Severus, you must assure Hermione that this was not her fault, do you understand? This is so very common, and it happens all the time, though I know that is of no comfort to you now."

Severus shoulders slumped. "I don't know how she will ever recover from this. It's been quite a blow for the both of us," he said, his voice was hoarse. His agonized eyes came to meet Poppy's concerned gaze and he spoke once more: "Is…will….will Hermione still be able to have children?"

"Yes Severus, of course!" Poppy ensured, "As many as you like! As I said, this is not…uncommon. It's just….hard."

Severus looked off in the distance, somewhere beyond the Mediwitch as he processed all of this. He wanted to remain strong, but he knew that he could not be stone forever. His eyes burned and his tears fell, and with a small nod to Poppy he returned to his wife's bedside. She was staring at the plain beige of the curtain surrounding the bed, her body turned to the side.

Severus had no words to comfort her. He did not know what to say. She turned to him slightly, the tears coming once more, and together they shared their grief neither one understanding.

….

It was early, the sun was rising and a soft, pink light was beginning to come into the bedroom of the Snape's quarters. Severus awoke and he shivered. The fire had gone out sometime in the night, and the castle was cold in February. He realized that he was also so cold because he was alone. Looking to his right, the empty side of the bed stared back at him and Severus closed his eyes and sighed. It had been like this every morning for months now. He knew where she was. He rose slowly, his body protesting against the cold and he quickly cast a warming spell on himself. Gathering an extra blanket and pulling on a warm, woolen robe, he made his way down the hall and into another room of their quarters. It was not the kitchen, or the bathroom. It was not their living room, or their study. It was the nursery. Their empty nursery. Empty save for Hermione Granger Snape who was sitting in the silent room, staring at the silent, empty crib.

Severus sighed and moved toward his wife, trying not to notice once more how thin she looked, trying not to see the purple shadows under her eyes. He placed the blanket around her and gathered her up in his arms and sat, holding her across his lap in the glider. "You're shivering, Hermione."

"I didn't realize. I don't feel cold," she replied.

"I know." he responded.

"Why?" she asked quietly, tears long gone, emptiness having replaced them long ago.

"I don't know my darling. I don't know."

"She was so loved. So loved already."

"I know. I know, Hermione."

"What will we do Severus?" Her voice sounded so small, so childlike, so fragile.

"We will go on Hermione."

…

Severus returned to his quarters with a sigh of relief. It was spring holidays and he'd just finished grading his last exam of the quarter. It would be nice for a break. It had been difficult since the last holiday. It hadn't been much of a holiday.

"Hermione, love," he called when he entered the bedroom, "where are you?"

"In here." Came her soft voice, and for a moment, Severus heart stopped in his chest. She was in that room again. In the nursery. It was April now, and Hermione hadn't been into the nursery since that night back in February. The next morning he had watched her as she boxed up the items in the room, re-charmed the walls to a neutral beige color, and transfigured the crib and the glider into a guest bed and wing-backed chair. He had asked her if she had wanted help, but she had shaken her head. He'd let her be, and he let her finish her work. Then he had watched her close the door behind her. It had been understood that they would not go into that room again.

But now, here she was. He moved to the room with trepidation. Things had been going so much better, their lives back on track as they had pushed the tragedy a little bit farther away in their minds every day. He didn't want to go back into the room. He was afraid. But Severus Snape had lived with fear all of his life, and he had never been one to back down. With soft steps, he approached the room and he was surprised at what met his eyes.

The guest bed was gone from it's corner, and the chair was gone as well. It was now an empty room, the walls a deep green like the fresh grass growing outside in the Scottish spring air, the carpet a deep brown like the newly mown earth in the gardens. Hermione was sitting in the middle of the room looking up at the window at the blue sky showing through. "It's all right love. Please come in." Severus did as he was bid and sat himself behind his wife, wrapping his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder. Hermione closed her eyes and lifted her wand, opening the window and the air swept into the room, clearing out the cobwebs. She sat like that for a few minutes, her ears listening to the birdsong, feeling Severus' pulse beat against her back. Then, all at once, she turned her body and looked up into Severus' eyes.

"I think that it's time to try again." She smiled, and her eyes smiled with her, and Severus looked down at her with love radiating from his being.

"I think so too." he said, and he kissed her softly on the mouth.

….

Severus arrived to their quarters in a foul mood, his face frozen in a snarl. "Bloody first years…." he muttered as he threw off his robe and frock coat and flung them over the couch-a couch which he noticed was empty. That was odd. Hermione was done with her classed hours ago.

"Hermione?" he called, when he didn't see her in the study or the kitchen. He began to walk down the hall, his footsteps padding softly on the hardwood.

"In here my love." Her voice was warm and sent a pleasant sensation down Severus' spine, and his heartrate picked up. His breathing grew rapid as he quickened his pace, following the sound of her voice to….that room. He opened the door with a trembling hand, and his eyes took in the room before him.

Hermione stood in the center of the room, her face radiant, her eyes bright, cheeks flushed in the bloom of happiness. His eyes met hers with an unspoken question and she smiled wider and nodded to the corner. There was one new item in the room that hadn't been there before. Severus looked to his left. And then he smiled a smile that went from ear to ear, a smile of true joy, a smile of rebirth. In the corner was the beechwood crib.

His eyes went back to his wife and he fell to his knees before her. "Really?" he questioned up at her, his eyes pleading for it to be true.

Hermione smiled and closed her eyes, bringing her hands into his hair and pulling him flush against her. "Really."

"Really…." Severus trailed off.

On the walls, dark green painted vines began to crawl their way up to the ceiling.

**AN: (Hides face in fear….) Sooooooo what did you think? Dare I ask for reviews? Pretty please! Thanks a million if you've read this! Please give back and click that little button below. Merci!**

**SexySloth**


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